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X-Men Apocalypse Thoughts

X-Men Apocalypse - Save Your Money

 

*If you haven't seen the movie yet, you may not want to read this cause I may have some spoilers. But in all honesty, save your money and catch this when it comes to Redbox*

I got introduced to the X-Men while in 3rd grade. Some kid in my class used to collect comic books and those comic book trading cards. When I started really paying attention to the trading cards, he started letting me hold his comic books. I would take these comic books home and read them in one night. He had all the Marvel comics. Avengers. Fantastic Four. Doctor Strange. Spider Man. The Punisher. Daredevil. Deadpool. Alpha Flight. You name it, he had it. But the one comic book team that stood out to me was X-Men. Storm was the first black comic character I had seen at the time. Cyclops could shoot laser beams out his eyes. Professor X was the first person, comic book or in real life,  that I could remember being permanently confined to a wheelchair. And of course, you had Wolverine, the maniac good guy. And by reading the comics, I came upon two of my favorite X-Men foes, Juggernaut and Apocalypse. These two and Venom from the Spider Man comics, was the blueprint for what a villain was supposed to be.

Fast forward a little, and X-Men had a cartoon that used to come on Saturday mornings. This was where my vision of what Apocalypse was supposed to be really manifested itself. He was damn near invincible. The only reason he didn't beat the X-Men was because he would get tired of fighting them and go into "hibernation". No one was stronger than him. No one could outlast him in a fight. He was smart. He could grow into a giant. He just was damn near unbeatable. And I haven't even mentioned his Four Horsemen. They were on another level by themselves. Apocalypse was just the top villain in comic book world.

When I first saw the end of X-Men: Days of Future Past, and I saw a young version of Apocalypse building the pyramids in Ancient Egypt with his Four Horsemen in the background, I was sold!!! I knew I had to see this movie. I don't know if people remember the earlier X-Men movies (X-Men, X-Men United, and Last Stand), but those movies were awful. I kind of ruined my nostalgia for the X-Men characters. But at the time they were released, it was good for me. Special effects weren't as good as they are now. Avengers hadn't came and raised the bar yet either. So those earlier X-Men movies were tolerable at the time. But when X-Men First Class and Days of Future Past were released (to reboot the mistakes and bullshit from the first three X-Men movies), they were dope. So I had high expectations for X-Men Apocalypse. Man, I was severely disappointed.

When folks were trashing this movie during filming, I defended it. My main defense was that majority of folks trashed Days of Future Past as well based off the pictures taken on set and promotional material that was released with it as well. And that movie turned out to be damn good. My secondary defense was you CAN'T get Apocalypse wrong. It's a no brainer on how his character should be portrayed. Now, I'm not a Bryan Singer hater like a lot of people. So I gave him the extreme benefit of the doubt about directing this movie. You can now count me as a Bryan Singer hater.

First off, the story line is boring as hell. Apocalypse is buried in a pyramid that some of his "followers" have found. They bring him back from suspended animation. He awakens 10 years after the events of the previous X-Men movie. His awakening sets off a world wide earthquake, which Professor X nonchalantly looks over. Jean Gray, who is a teenager, has some type of mental connection with Apocalypse that lets her "see" the end of the world. In the mean time, Apocalypse is wondering the streets of Egypt. He's cutting people's heads off and entrapping them in walls and other silly shit like that, where he runs across a young version of Storm. He lets her know that he's looking for other mutants that are strong like her. She leads her to Psylocke, who works for Calliban. Calliban is actually the funniest character in the movie, but he's only in this one scene. After a quick back and forth, Psylocke takes Apocalypse and Storm to Angel. 

Now in the comics, Apocalypse had some weird connection with Angel. He tore off his wings and gave him some type of metal wings, thus turning him into Archangel. Well that does happen in the movie, but it's not much explanation involved. Well flipping back to Professor X, him and Havok have went to find Moira MacTaggert, which is Professor X's love interest from the previous film. Just so happens that she's an agent for the military who is researching Apocalypse for the government. She explains to Professor X EVERYTHING about Apocalypse to him. This is terrible in the movie too. Wouldn't it have been so much better for the X-Men to find out about Apocalypse on their own?? But either way, in the process of this, the X-Men are trying to help out young mutants who are trying to master their abilities. In this class, you have a young Cyclops, Jean Grey and Nightcrawler. 

On the other side of the world, Apocalypse is trying to recruit Magneto to be one of his Horsemen after Magneto's family is killed. Another misstep of logic in this is why would Magneto be joining forces with Apocalypse? Wouldn't that be against Magneto's entire character to work for someone else? And why the hell was Magneto destroying a Aushwitz? Just makes no sense. But either way, Magneto is now on Apocalypse's side. And Mystique is looking for Magneto and somehow stumbles into being the "leader" of the X-Men. I don't know who that happened either. But you read that right, Mystique is the de facto leader of the X-Men outside of Professor X of course. Oh, and William Stryker makes a very unnecessary and illogical appearance as well.

A lot of nothing happened. Then we end up to our final fight scene. This was the absolute worst fight scene imaginable for the characters involved. Storm did nothing but hide. Psylocke put up a good fight and then she just disappeared. Magneto just floated in the air. And Apocalypse just laid there. Yep, that's what happened for the most part. Jean Grey turned into Phoenix eventually. And Archangel died in the stupidest way possible. 

This movie was just awful. As a long time X-Men fan, I hope this is the end of that franchise in all honesty. The only scenes worth a damn were Quicksilver's scene in the mansion and Wolverine's cameo. Outside of that, nothing to see here. 

Fuck you Bryan Singer.

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